The Brokenhearted!

"Silver wings. Shine in the sunlight. Roaring engines. Heading somewhere in flight.

They're taking you away. Leaving me lonely. Silver wings. Slowly fading outta sight.

Don't leave me I cry. Don't take that airplane ride. But you locked me out of your mind. Left me standing here behind.

Silver wings. Shine in the sunlight. Roaring engines. Heading somewhere in flight.

They're taking you away. Leaving me lonely. Silver wings. Slowly fading outta sight.

Silver wings. Shine in the sunlight. Roaring engines. Heading somewhere in flight.

They're taking you away. Leaving me lonely. Silver wings. Slowly fading outta sight.

Silver wings. Slowly fading out of sight. Slowly fading out of sight. Slowly fading out of sight."

-SILVER WINGS- MERLE HAGGARD

Lately, I've listened to this song over and over again. I've managed to come up with my own meaning of this song. This song means a lot to me; what hurts the most? Goodbyes that have been said or the ones that haven't? This experience captures the whole feeling behind this song, well at least for me. One afternoon, I was making my way out of school with a friend. Not knowing it was going to be my last time, I clearly remember the last words I said, they were out of spite. Little did I know how much those words would end up haunting me. Later on that evening I received a phone call, my friends' mother told me "He just passed away". As she told me those heartbreaking words, I hung up. I couldn't tell anyone what I was feeling, I dealt with that heart ache, I don't know why I sat myself down and saw the most amazing sunset I've ever seen in my life. I asked myself Why? How could that happen? Somehow I felt like it was my fault. Even worse, I felt like it was Our Heavenly's fault. I remember praying, crying, and begging. To be honest, I felt betrayed. I was told that by praying and trusting in Our Heavenly Father everything would be fine. I mocked every person who believed in God and his will. I was mad at him, with a valid reason (at the time it was). The timing was off, that day will always be remembered as the moment I learned to value a friendship, of course it was too late for me to apologize to him. It was my mom's birthday that day, I remember crying myself to sleep. I was constantly crying, those seconds turned to minutes, those minutes turned into hours, those hours turned into days, and so on. That was the beginning of many lessons God had in my path. 

I look back and I ask myself, how was it possible that I still managed to get up for years with a smile upon my face, but still have the sadness within my soul? One day, a missionary took it upon himself to get to know why I didn't believe. I told him my story, he told me "that it was painful to see me cry because I always had a smile upon my face". He told me that he felt like, I didn't have faith. I told him, "you don't know anything about me, how dare you say that?" He answered with a verse in the bible. "for those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who are humble themselves will be exalted." - MATTHEW 23:12  He added to that and told me "you are humble that's hard to find, all you need to do is to do some soul searching". In my Book or Mormon he wrote " I feel like I'm not the missionary who could help you." Now, a couple of months passed and I got a book from a really good friend called Believing Christ, I had all the questions in the world from why to what ifs. Little did I know that, that missionary was right I was lacking faith and I needed to do some searching on my own. I finally knew without a doubt that the gospel was all I needed to be happy. If Christ died for us, if he bled from every pore because of us. Then If he died for us, and all he asks for is devotion to His Father, Our Heavenly Father. Why are we ungrateful? Why must we be broken into itzy bitzy little pieces to find the righteous path? "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved" - JOHN 3:16-17 

Now take it from me, you could go on a whole life time blaming Our Heavenly Father for everything. He waits for his children to be ready to come to him. The blessings we have, we have them because he loves us and we should be grateful for all the good and all bad. If a broken heart and a willing heart is all he wants from us, then we must put all vanity and pride away when we step into his house.

Timing is everything

They say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Missing someone is missing their presence, maybe not all the time but certain things happen and that's when it hits you. You can't hide it anymore, you miss them! Or you're missing someone terribly, everything you do, you do it with a heartache. You can't hide it anymore, you miss them! Seeing them after some time, the way you felt before isn't the same; you start noticing little changes that makes that person become a stranger. Just an every day walker, with no purpose or significance. All you have left is a blurry memory of how they used to act. Is timing really everything?

Today while I was making my way to school, my mom walked to the bus stop with me. I didn't know how much it meant to me, until I got on that bus and saw her there, waving with a huge smile on her face. I won't lie, I did cry on my way to school. It hurt me to see my mom get smaller and smaller, I missed my mom terribly. I prayed to Our Heavenly Father, I asked please keep her safe, I added keep my father safe, I continued keep my older siblings safe. I came home, I waited for my mom to knock my room door, I gave her a HUGE hug. I let her know I missed her, she told me "it's because you love me". Now, I don't know why I missed her so much. Point is I love my mother, without her I wouldn't be here. I am my mother's daughter, I want to make her proud. I am the representation of my parents every where I go; that is something I won't hide nor deny.
To me timing is everything. Like my mother always tells me, "Don't tell me you don't have time, only the dead say that." I know that if I need consolation, I will always have my mothers hugs to let me know it's okay. I know that if I need protection, I will always have my fathers arms to run to. If I ever need a strong based foundation to hold on to, I always will have my family. I know we won't live forever, but with them I know I could dream, cry, fail, and fall in love. In this story timing is my only enemy.

Is timing really everything? Me and my sister are always talking about, how if you spend enough time with each other, you will grow to love them. Is it fate or destiny? I can't say but the one thing I do know, is that you make your own future, your actions today bring consequences to you later on in life. When it comes to life, love, and health; you're your future's keeper. You decide!
So I dare you to not only to figure out what your purpose in life is, but to set the standards of living. I dare you to breathe new air; find the land, the love, and the answers to all your questions.
In this case, "I wonder" won't be a question filled with what ifs, but a motivation to become someone to be proud of.  Missing you is my reality check to continue to love, to try to fall in love with many things possible, but to be honest and truthful to the only one you do matter to: Yourself, your parents, and God.

If faith could move mountains. Imagine what you could do! If absence makes the heart grow fonder, then make that your motivation to become someone who will be significant in the world.

Be brave, you could conquer the world. 

Missing someone or something is just a reality check of how much they/it means to you. 

Don't be afraid fall in love. At the end of the day that's all that matters. 

Timing is everything. Become the guardian of your dreams.  

DO IT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.